Memories*

I'm trying to forget everything sweet you said. The moments shared. The laughs, hugs, kisses. I surely don't remember them with the same feeling. Actually there is no feeling at all. Perhaps there are no strings attached anymore. Maybe I finally succeeded in letting go off you in that way. You're not a good or bad memory, you're just a plain and simple memory. I tried not to let go off you because I thought we could have something else than a love relationship, isn't that what you said and had in mind the last time we spoke?. It could have been a lot more special than what we had or could ever have as a couple. Maybe I didn't believe in love, but I kind of believed in destiny, even more after watching that movie about destiny with you. We met a long time ago like the characters in that movie, and I dared to believe that us getting to meet again after so long was meant to be for some reason, but now that reason doesn't seem to exist. Sometimes I believe that things happen to teach us a lesson about something. What is the lesson to learn here? Not to ask a possible 'old' friend to become your girlfriend?. Be an asshole and forget about being a gentleman and forget about manners?. I'm a bad person, but I never was bad to you, so I deserved much more than a lie. I'm smarter than you, but I guess your little mind didn't understand me when I told you to talk to me with the TRUTH. You quickly moved on, and I kind of 'quickly' have forgotten about the feeling I had about you. You weren't great, but you weren't that bad either. I think I don't miss anything, and you're fading away.

The Liar in You*

I've been wasting my time, staring at the door that got shut a month ago. I am still staring at it every day, hoping that it will open again, and I'll be able to get in and be part of what I wouldn't be missing now if it wasn't for my fault. At the same time, the doors that remain open, they give me a peek of what it is and that never changes. I appreciate it and I like it, but maybe not in the way that I should.
What is friendship?; How does it feel to be a friend?. A friendship can't start based on a lie. A person that pretends to be a friend, and that lies since day one, it's maybe a person that doesn't want to be your friend now or later. Friends-Lovers-Ex-Lovers... Friends?. It is possible, but both have to be willing to really become that. The person that got hurt was willing to become that, and the one that finished it, the one with that 'friend' idea, simply vanished. Unstable? ok, but also a liar and a jerk that has no respect for others' feelings. An annoyed jerk that rushes into things in order to overcome his own pain, thinking that others will take it away. It is possible, but you are not letting the right people, those who know you best, help you. Why keep on writing and questioning myself about you?. Would you do the same?. Probably not because the difference between you and I is that I still care when in your life I died the moment you realized I was of no use anymore. I still have questions, but I wouldn't be wondering if you hadn't lied. But again, what do you care?. Hoping that you will come back as the friend you promised to be, is like believing in the fairy tales I never believed as a little girl. And because you're not coming back to apologize for your immature and jerk attitude toward me, when I get you out of my system, I will destroy you with the thoughts I refused to pay attention to so that I wouldn't end up seeing you the way you really are. I believed in you, so I trusted you.
People like you get noticed by the "cheerful/friendly" facade you want others to see so that they believe that is really who you are. You even think that is who you are, but you are still nobody. Your belongings are the only things that you own, for you still don't have yourself because you don't exist. There is still a long road to go through in order for you to create yourself. Once you told me "You have all of your life to figure out who you are", I think you were speaking about your confused self because if you don't figure who you are now, you will be like the ghost that's wandering around through life. Liars lie to themselves, and they don't even notice it.
Je ne veux pas ressentir de haine, mais c'est tout ce que tu m'as laissé avec ton...Mensonge!

Good-bye 23*

These are the last minutes of being 23 years young. I don't have much to say because I haven't been inspired to write lately. Tomorrow I will be 24, it is a large number, and I don't feel that old. As the number in my age changes, I will be able to leave behind the stuff that happened from last june 5th to this one.
On December 31st we have our opportunity of the year to leave all the bad that happened in our lives. We also get to think of the good that happened to us, and that somehow will stay with us longer. Yesterday, a guy gave me an idea that could work. I could use my 24th birthday like the start of a new year in the middle of '09. On the 6th month of the year, the one that i like the most, I'm gonna get a fresh start just like I had one in January. Even though I'm not able to forget the feeling right now, sooner or later I will. My friend Ruby was right when she said that this year was going to be different... it really has been.